Sunday, December 30, 2007

~a colorful variety of grace~


The place seemed tired and the people tattered. As I stepped gingerly over the threshold of the former Chelsea hotel in downtown Chicago, the place did not exactly present an elegant scene. There was a handful of young people lingering around the gray-lit lobby, and they appeared to me more like high-schoolers in detention rather than guests of the Christian shelter and ministry I thought I was visiting.

The place had first sparked my interest because of its heart for hospitality, for sharing life and home together, which I hope to emulate in my own future ministry. I came envisioning hostels and accents and coffee conversations. But as my friends and I toured through the dust-traced rooms, I realized this was not the sparkling ideal I had set up in my mind.

As my gaze sauntered down the hallways, I collected pieces of texture: broken terra cotta stranded on the windowsills, a tantrum of scattered paint over the walls, rust stains that trickled down from ceiling seams. The people seemed rough, too. They weren’t the captivating mystics I so often muse about, you know, the rootless independents who embark on spiritual journeys through Europe, making their living through art and the pack on their back. But these people, for the most part, were unapologetically average. They wore indie band tee-shirts, pushed through the dinner line in wheelchairs, displayed a wide array of inked arms and pierced faces, and laughed indiscreetly through bad teeth. In a sense they intimidated me because I was unsure of how to relate to them.

A man with glasses as big as vintage records and a beard like scribbling asked if we would like to stay for dinner, so we accepted the invitation and shuffled to the back of the long line. I engaged in a few conversations as we entered the dining area, the whole time feeling about as inconspicuous as a red piano key.

But then a brilliant display of color distracted my eye. There, blooming out of the white, cracked wall, striking in contrast, were hundreds of handmade crosses. Each cross as different as the soul who made it; each one the story of a life of faith. There were crosses of every detail and design: painted crosses, decadent in color, cardboard crosses, rough and brown, simple silver crosses, traditional wooden crosses, crosses made of sequins, twigs, beaded wire, newspaper clippings. I itched for my camera. The image shed a new light on the place for me, and I tucked it away, leaving me in a quiet awe.

We ate with the ministry’s discipleship group in a small side room, and as they invited me into their home, welcomed me to their table, and ushered me into their lives, their faith, I found, was real. Real to the raw. And in it, we found an easy fellowship. Rich, our friend with dark dreadlocks and carpenter hands, told me in his down-to-earth way of his hope to become ordained this year. He is praying about returning to Brazil, where he grew up, to share Christ with his father. Sadie, a philosophy major, shared about her recent trip to Palestine and the lives of quiet injustice she witnessed there that continue to shape her. Rob, who has one blue eye and one patch, grinned at me and invited me to come back and visit anytime. He is homeless and shines with the joy of the Lord. I felt that our little table hosted a lot of vision. And as I was sitting there, amongst such rich stories of the faith, one thought kept returning to me: this is the church. All of us love Christ. All of us want to bring His presence into our tangled, tainted world.

Then I thought of the crosses and realized what a striking visual this is. This is the church. It is built of people of all varieties of grace. There is no mold for the saints. The saints are bohemian artists, celibate nuns, suburban soccer moms, charismatic youth, gray-haired elders, third world orphans, seminary graduates, the least, the last, the prodigals, and the prostitutes. As Christ saves them, all are His. We are His church and we are His children. The crosses and the lives that crafted them, in their colorful array of differences, each stake their faith in the same raw red of redemption that stretches through us all.

Just as each cross on the wall expresses a different perception of the One Lord, so we all bear a unique image of the same Savior. God chooses to reveal to each of His children different attributes of His character, in order to shape us according to His individual design. Some see Him as the Lion of Judah: fierce and noble and strong. Others know Him as the Shepherd, gently and lovingly guiding His own. Maybe Jesus is the Potter to the paint people, the Bread of Life to the cardboard people, the Bridegroom to the sequin people. He is all these things, and something vibrant and dynamic happens when the paint people and the cardboard people and the sequin people come together to worship at the foot of the cross.

As we come, from all points on the spectrum of souls, from every tribe, tongue and nation, we find a common ground in faith. And as we come, bringing together our glorious variety of grace, we can communally reflect the fullness of Who He Is. In light of this, the same scene I had once deemed so unimpressionable claimed a new significance. Under this bright mural of faith, those I had considered strangers became brothers, those I thought dissimilar became sisters, and this myriad of people found beauty in coming together as the living, thriving Body of Christ.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

peacemaker


sometimes i compromise truth for peace
when really, i would rather have a war

Thursday, November 29, 2007

boiling point

my dad always says
that when I latch onto my newest idea
everything else goes out the window

and i pour myself into this one, all consuming thing
until it is accomplished.

he says its my blessing and my curse.

so what I want to know is
where do I get these ideas, anyway?

just one of those days.
one of those spells.
one of those souls.

that wakes up needing tibetan prayer flags
red wood forests
central park in snow.

i want to snuggle down in the swiss philosophy house
and talk brave and get my hands messy and kick up my heels.
i want to be a muckraker and dish it all out.

but instead i sigh and suffocate
under a pile of boxes and numbers and grids.

my vision will not stale in parentheses.
it begs a little room to swell.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

He Who Lives in Inapproachable Light!

If we ask to see God’s face, we need to know what this means. God’s revelation is no small thing. The Almighty does not disclose His glory lightly. If we are going to pray for revolution, we need to be ready for utter and even painful transformation. Moses is one such man who asked to see God’s glory, and God revealed Himself in an incredible act of grace, but He also warned, “But…you cannot see my face, for one may see me and live.” (Exodus 33:20).

We cannot come face to face with the Creator Redeemer and remain unchanged. We cannot encounter the glory of the Risen Lord and continue to live in our sin. Habakkuk 1:13 says, “Your eyes are too pure to look on evil.” The Holy of Holies cannot entertain sin in His presence: the encounter will either break us, or change us. We must either be destroyed or transformed.

Do you want to see His face? Are you willing to submit your sin and mess to the One who lives in inapproachable light? Are you ready to fall under the severe exposure of His loving eyes? Sometimes we pray for intimacy, we say we want to know only Christ, but we want the relationship without the conviction. We want the sweet assurance of being near the Savior without the deep wound of knowing and sacrificing our sin.

But the painful exposure is also the purifying process. When we are exposed to God’s likeness, we begin to be transformed into His likeness. In such intimacy with the Eternal Light, it is impossible not to be illuminated, and impossible not to reflect His brilliance. When we step into the light, we begin to also reflect it. As God said, “No one may see me and live”—our sinful self will no longer live! Shane and Shane has a song, "May the Vision of you be the death of me!" Amen. And being dead to sin we will live to Him. 2 Corinthians 3:18, “And we, who with unveiled faces, all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into His likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.”

Tuesday, August 21, 2007


"There's a white wall we can't see over now
that's ok, we're still learning...mistakes--they are allowed...

"We understand a lot of things about modern technology
but not about dreams. Our hearts are on the shelves,
we can't fix ourselves..."

-Jewel on her album "Goodbye Alice in Wonderland"

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

i would like to know

since when is playing it safe a Christian value?

Saturday, August 11, 2007

His commands are NOT burdensome!

John 16:33 “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have trouble. But take heart—I have overcome the world!”

Jesus is reigning in victory and I can take part in that any time I choose. The Bible is brimming with the promises of God—all I have to do is claim them. Colossians 2:10 tells me I have been given the fullness of Christ! I only have to live out what I have already been given. Nothing is out of reach. But I still have to reach! Why do I whine about being tired and burdened when I am only a knocking, seeking, or asking away from LIFE TO THE FULL? “His commands are not burdensome”! (1 John 5:3). It’s only overwhelming when I try to do it all in my own strength.

It’s always been a comfort to me to think that my weakness actually invites God’s strength. Where I am swarming with questions, flaws, and losses, Christ is pleased to lend the fullness of Himself. He is all too willing to satisfy: “Open wide your mouth and I will fill it” (Psalm 81:10). I want to know, what do I not have simply because I have not asked? What does God want me to know of Him that I simply have not claimed yet? I don’t want to miss anything He wants to give me.

painting...

waiting



Driving back from our cup of coffee, i asked Amy what she was waiting for. We agreed patience has been the running theme of our lives. Mostly because i am very bad at it. What am i waiting for? When i got home i made a list. But when i think about it i am nearly always waiting for something, no matter how insignificant.

My hair to dry.
My coffee to drip.
Autumn to come.
The noise to end.
My film to develop.
An honest word.

i think WAITING is like a kind of dam: it is a stop and stay that creates depth. Waiting inspires what you already have to deepen and strengthen. Without waiting, our lives would be stretched thin to brittleness, without it, there would be no time to reflect, to repent, to change our minds. Our lives would be pure speed with no breaths in between, we would stampede through existence so fast that we would forget our last experience the moment we collided with the next one.

Maybe waiting allows all these things to SETTLE. Our busy lives beg a little time to be interpreted. What may seem like a denial or a boundary, may instead be a reservoir: a holding place for all that we have come through so far, to be sorted and sifted. Waiting gives us room to collect the deep. It gives us time to grow.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

testing 1 2 3 !



so i have created this blog mostly and primarily because typing is a whole lot neater than my handwriting. i intend to use this space to think out loud a little and share things i like, but just for the record this will not be an "online journal" because 1) i hate it when people spill their guts online for the world to see and 2) because i hate that phrase. :)

sabrina


SABRINA WARD HARRISON is one of my heroes. She is the one who taught me "trust the mess". She lives in California and publishes her journals, designs long skirts, and hosts art workshops for women. This is what she says about her work:

"I use my "mistakes" - I follow where they may take me. I like to use what I find - what is left over, unused. My art supplies are remnants, faded and forgotten letters, table clothes, felt, wallpaper, drawer lining, photographs, paper doll cut-outs, maps, fabric, vinyl records, and sheets of music once played and heard - now left quiet. I am patching and piecing a life hooked together, yet partially obscured, with masking tape, ribbon, thread, varnish, and paper clips."

Friday, June 8, 2007

Oh For Simpler Days


i am writing like crazy lately. Probably because i have more time on my hands, May Sarton calls the business "thickets of undigested experience". i am trying to take time to untangle.

OH FOR SIMPLER DAYS

tonight i am a constellation:
spewed as from a dream

into remnants that clatter and skid
across the night,

like rhymes stuttered out across the nursery floor
in sweet, wide tantrum…

these lights so ravenous and stretching
“how can all these parts of me be one?”

children below, idling in their lullabies,
count and connect the dots.

are we gaining or losing?

i recently found out a little friend of mine was sent to the hospital for complications from an eating disorder. She is 13 years old. i think we are very hard on ourselves.

i have not weighed
myself in months.

if people must be measured,
can we not do it in colors?
or convictions? or blushings?

numbers are for rented doorframes,
panicked metronomes, and epitaphs.

they are for crowded calendar boxes,
ransoms too much, seconds too late,
and black tallies on the wrists of jews.

numbers are for least and loss.

but let us be counted
by a more generous scale.